2024! thank u, next
year-in-reviewI’ve asked myself this one question a million times - “Do you want an easy life, or do you want a difficult one?” In the past, I’ve made choices that seemed convenient for the moment - something which takes away my pain instantly. But, I’ve failed to weigh how I would feel about it a few months, or a few years down the line. I’ve wished I could go back in time and fix it. If there’s something or someone I’m most scared of, it is my past self. Since then, I try my best not to make decisions that are grounded in emotions/sentiment. I’ve prayed for a difficult life. Why? Better suffer now than several years later. I wish to learn my lessons at 20-something rather than at 50-something. I guess we all get just what we wanted!
I’ve aged more rapidly this year than ever before. I happened to notice a strand of gray hair ON MY BIRTHDAY! There couldn’t have been any better day to notice this. It was like a punch in my face, screaming, “YOU ARE GETTING OLD”. At this point, I don’t really care.
I couldn’t bring myself to forgive an individual who’d broken someone’s heart - this person deserves all the happiness in this world. I believed I had perfected the practice of forgiveness. It took me only two days to let go, grieve, and cry my heart out to move on from a long-term relationship. But, this one was the most difficult yet. The pain amplifies when I start overthinking about all the things that could’ve led to this point of dysfunction. This year saw me going from being a dead woman walking to someone who’s trying to get herself out of this misery by remembering things I should be grateful for. If there’s another lifetime, I want this person to have a life filled with peace and happiness that they were denied this time.
Became a vegetarian. It’ll probably stay this way for some parts of 2025.
Tried archery for the first time. All I want in my life now is a 70m long backyard!
Ended up deferring my grad walk for next spring.
Moved for work. Work, as always, had been my antidote to sorrow.
Had a tough phase in the middle of August, when I said, “I want something now which can make me feel better. Anything.” After pulling myself together, I sympathized with people who do drugs (this, by no way, is a justification). Although I died a bit, I’m proud of my ability to get myself out of the deep waters.
Got my DL.
Learnt that a unicorn startup that I cried badly for getting rejected in the behavioral round shut down. Back then, I wondered why it was the way it was. A few months later, universe gave me the reason as to why it didn’t end up working. Less pain now > > more pain later!
Cried in front of the huge Christmas tree at Union Square. For no particular reason.
I might say I would want to wipe off this year from my memory, or perhaps alter some parts of it. Maybe the universe will reveal its explanation to all the questions flooding my head in the near future. The name of the game is hope and faith. So, all I’ve got to say to 2024 is “thank u, next” :)